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While we are the only equal parenting website run by equal sharing
parents that we know of, we aren’t the only ones talking about this
lifestyle. Look below for information about excellent social
studies texts, books, and organizations supportive of our cause.
And you'll find even more resources in the back of our book, Equally Shared
Parenting: Rewriting the Rules for a New Generation of Parents.
Websites/Organizations
- Evolution of Dad:
Evolutionofdad.com.
Website
of
the
upcoming
documentary
film
celebrating
the
involved
father.
Upbeat, real and filled with the voices of experts
(lauded academics and practicing fathers).
- Father and FamilyLink:
Fatherfamilylink.gse.upenn.edu.
National
Center
on
Fathers
and
Families
website
devoted
to
information
for fathers,
with good links to other such organizations. The site is dated –
no one seems to be keeping it current these days – but it does contain
a good review of the literature on equal sharing by Terry Arendell from
1997.
- Moms Rising:
Momsrising.org and
partner Familiesrising.org.
- Mothers Movement Online:
Mothersmovement.org.
- National Center for
Fathering: Fathers.com.
Updated
resource
for
all
things
daddy.
No
presence
on
this
site for equal sharing,
however.
- Center for a New American
Dream: www.newamericandream.org.
Organization
devoted
to
responsible
consumption.
Among
its
mantras
is
the
belief that 'living consciously means
getting
more
of
what
really
matters
in
life,
being aware of what’s
going on around you, finding balance, and having a little fun while
you’re at it'. The website is full of excellent resources.
- Parentopia: Parentopia.net.
Website of two of the three Mommy Guilt authors (see book section
below).
- Sharon
Teitelbaum: Stcoach.com.
Sharon
is
a
work-life
and
career
coach
who
raised
her now-grown
children under the equally shared parenting model with her
husband. She coaches working parents throughout the US, helping
them create the work-family-self balance that works for their family.
- Thirdpath
Institute: Thirdpath.org.
The ThirdPath
Institute is an organization dedicated to reform and education to make
equally shared parenting (‘Shared Care’ is their term) possible.
ThirdPath offers consultation, a workbook, a free email newsletter, and
many other resources to help couples work toward equality. We
love ThirdPath!
Books
- Against the Grain: Couples, Gender, and the
Reframing of Parenting (Gillian Ranson; 2010).
Thoughtful sociologic research of 32 couples with non-traditional
gender roles (6 are ESP couples) that highlights what it means to 'undo
gender' and 'parent' rather than 'mother' or 'father.' For more
information, see our review of this book here.
- An Unconventional Family
(Sandra Lipsitz Bem; 1998). Fascinating personal story of an ESP
family devoted to feminism and gender neutrality. For more
information, see our review of this book here.
- Baby's Here! Who Does What?
(Duncan Fisher, 2010). Fantastic, short, graphics-based handbook
on equal parenting. See our review of this book here.
- Couples, Gender, and Power
(Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney ed., 2009).
Excellent compilation of sociological research on gender and its effect
on power in relationships, with a review of the literature on
relationship equality. See our review of this book here.
- Family Man: Fatherhood, Housework, and
Gender Equity
(Scott Coltrane; 1996). Sociological discussion of shared
parenting from the perspective of the father rather than the mother.
- Father Courage: What
Happens When Men Put Family First (Suzanne
Braun Levine;
2000). Refreshingly positive description of men
who are
fully involved in their children’s lives. Introduces the concepts
of the ‘Dreaded Tape’ and the ‘Grinding Gears’ to describe how men and
women are different in their approaches to family and work activities.
- Gender
Vertigo:
American
Families
in
Transition (Barbara J Risman; 1998). A feminist look at gender
and how it pervades all that we do, followed by an in-depth
analysis of 15 equally sharing couples with children. The
kids are interviewed as well as their parents, for an interesting study
of how gender equality at home can affect children's views of men and
women. For more information, see our review of this
book here.
- Get to Work: A Manifesto
for Women of the World (Linda R. Hirshman;
2006). Controversial
and strongly worded call to all women to create a fulfilling life for
themselves rather than fall prey to inequality. Although Linda
writes in a dictatorial and accusing style, her philosophy is centrally
about equality between partners. We disagree with
her view that women should only have one child, marry young or much
older, and other specifics, but hope that her equality message is heard
above the din of her enemies.
- Getting to 50/50: How Working Couples Can
Have It All by Sharing It All (Sharon Meers and
Joanna Strober;
2009). Inspiring look at equal sharing written primarily from the
perspective of the working mother. This book includes a good look
at the data that support two-career families and shared home duties
between partners. For more information, see our review of this
book here.
- Halving It All: How
Equally Shared Parenting Works (Francine M. Deutsch;
1999). The most comprehensive study of equally
shared
parenting, as gleaned from interviews with parents. The parents
interviewed varied in their degree of equality, and almost none of them
seemed to intentionally create an equal sharing lifestyle (they just
fell into it). Nonetheless, the author reviews much of the
philosophy and practicality of equal sharing in a way that no other
book
does.
- How
to Avoid the Mommy Trap (Julie Shields; 2002).
Excellent
how-to book for creating equally shared parenting. This book is
written from the perspective of the woman, not the couple, although it
does discuss the benefits of equal sharing for men. It aims to
teach women how to marry the right guy, negotiate for equality, and
make it happen.
- Kidding
Ourselves:
Breadwinning,
Babies,
and
Bargaining
Power
(Rhona Mahony; 1995). Detailed description of why
women in our society end up with most of the housework and childraising
tasks, and what to do about it. Click
here for a more indepth review of this book.
- Love
Between Equals: How Peer Marriage Really Works (Pepper
Schwartz; 1995). Lovingly crafted ode to equal marriages that
examines the benefits and challenges and compares this lifestyle to
traditional and 'near-peer' relationships. While not specifically
focusing on couples with children, many examples include such couples
and a whole chapter describes equal childraising. Click here
for a more indepth review of this book.
- Marathon Dad: Setting a
Pace that Works for Working Fathers (John Evans;
1998). Lovely
how-to book for men on becoming involved fathers and why this is the
best thing they can do to lead happy and meaningful lives.
- Mommy
Guilt:
Learn
to
Worry
Less,
Focus
on
What
Matters
Most,
and Raise Happier Kids (Julie
Bort,
Aviva
Pflock
and
Devra Renner; 2005). Book written
for moms only (unfortunately, but understandably) outlining general
philosophies and providing dozens and dozens of tips to enjoy
parenting. Teaches moms not to feel guilty about pursuing their
own hobbies, and sifts through all the garbage we tell ourselves to get
to the real meaning of parenthood. Small section on fathers
explains how moms should learn to let go and
let their husbands take over some of the parenting.
- Opting
In:
Having
a
Child
Without
Losing
Yourself (Amy
Richards; 2008). Call to women (and men) to take responsibility
for creating the lives they want, and discussion of some of the
personal barriers to equal sharing. Details of how to achieve
equally shared parenting are not provided, but this book is a
well-written description of what prevents us from getting there if we
elect to go with the cultural status quo.
- Parenting Partners: How to Encourage Dads
to Participate in the Daily Lives of Their Children
(Robert Frank and Kathryn E. Livingston; 1999). How-to book for
each stage of your child's life, written by a family therapist and
fatherhood/parenting researcher (Frank).
- Parenting Together: Men
and Women Sharing the Care of Their Children (Diane
Ehrensaft;
1990). Older book, but full of interesting discussions
about the emotional effects on parents who share equally in raising
their children and on the children themselves. This book is the
result of interviews with 40 couples who equally share.
- Perfect Madness:
Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety (Judith Warner;
2005). Much
discussed and quoted description of mothers gone wrong –
exhaustion-fueled and filled with angst about things that don’t really
matter – while fathers escape to work. Judith interviews
primarily upper middle class mothers and reviews the path of feminism
from Betty Friedan until today. Alas, equally shared parenting is
not mentioned as a solution to some of the issues raised. An
excellent read, nonetheless.
- Role-Sharing
Marriage (Audrey
D. Smith and William J. Reid; 1986). Written way back in
1986, this book is based on about 200 interviews with equal sharing
couples (only 37 couples have children, however). Authors are an
equal sharing couple themselves. The book is full of practical
data about the sharing of all domains in equal or semi-equal
marriages, and their findings are interesting albeit now a bit
dated. Unfortunately, there is scant information here on equal
parents who both work reduced hours (only 2 couples).
- The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads,
Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American
Family
(Jeremy Adam Smith; 2009).
Highly researched and tender analysis of how caregiving is becoming a
much bigger part of fatherhood. While focusing on stay-at-home
fathers, this book is unmistakably pro egalitarian parenting. See
our review of this book here.
- The Feminine Mistake
(Leslie Bennetts; 2007).
Well researched and anxiety-provoking discussion of what women stand to
lose by becoming stay-at-home mothers. Leslie believes in gender
equal marriages, and tries to live this way with her husband. The
book misses the nuances of true partnership, however, and never
addresses the viability of reduced hours work for both parents.
See our review of this book here.
- The
Four-Thirds
Solution:
Solving
the
Child-Care
Crisis
in
America
Today (Stanley
I
Greenspan and Jacqueline Salmon;
2001). A book that touts equally shared parenting and both
parents each working 2/3rds time as the solution for balanced
families. Unfortunately, only one real-life example in the book
comes close to this ideal, but it is still refreshing to read of such
strong support for equally shared parenting from a nationally known
childcare expert (Greenspan).
- The Mommy Myth: The
Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women
(Susan J. Douglas and Meredith W. Michaels;
2004). This
book covers much of the same territory as Perfect Madness, but with
much more anger. Compelling data are reviewed on the media’s role
in making us all anxious and frightened parents, and the comparisons we
make with ‘perfect’ celebrity parents.
- The
Truth
Behind
the
Mommy
Wars (Miriam Peskowitz; 2005). Impassioned and
well-researched description of what is wrong with the current state of
unequal parenting. This book focuses on external changes (e.g.,
better part-time jobs, family leave, childcare); there is a small
mention of equal breadwinning but this book does not explore equal
childraising.
- The Unfinished Revolution: How a New
Generation is Reshaping Family, Work, and Gender in America (Kathleen
Gerson;
2009).
Revealing
and hopeful analysis of what young
adults want from their relationships - equal partnerships and balanced
lives. See our review of this book here.
- This is How We Do It: The
Working Mothers’ Manifesto (Carol Evans;
2006). Written
by the CEO and President of Working Mother magazine, this book
describes the successful ‘can-do’ working mother balancing it
all. There is mention of equal sharing, although it is not the
main focus of the book.
- This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be:
Remodeling Motherhood to Get the Lives We Want Today (Kristin
Maschka;
2009).
A
beautiful
story
of
conversion
from
a
traditional relationship to one based on equally shared parenting, with
plenty of wisdom and cultural analysis. See our interview with
the author of this book here.
- Working Fathers: New
Strategies for Balancing Work and Family (James A.
Levine and
Todd L. Pittinsky; 1997). Well researched description of the
problems fathers face in balancing their lives and being involved with
their children. Includes tips for breaking cultural barriers at
work, taking meaningful paternity leave, and reconnecting with your
spouse.
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